Am I a bully? Or Am I a victim?

Bully: A person who hurts, persecutes or intimidates weaker people, and gives sarcastic compliments.

The Bully: Feels overwhelmed and vulnerable. Violently acting out as a pre-emptive action to avoid being challenged or to prove their worth to a group and be accepted.

They can also project from a point of envy. If they perceive someone has something they wish they had, they will slander and abuse that person, especially if they believe it is not attainable to them. They will attempt to knock that person down to their perceived level rather than improve themselves.

Bully’s look for support while they are doing it. They need that support to justify their actions and feel accepted, safety in numbers.

Social media trolls are a perfect example as they begin to attack someone and then call on others to do the same basing the attack on achieving justice. It is amusing though, when they have been wrong and have just go silent rather than apologise. This is an unfulfilled life personified because they have so much time and or want to avoid looking at their own lives. They spend an excessive amount of time searching for something to unload their resentment, anger, sadness, and hatred to fill a hole they believe they have in their lives.

The most insecure person puts down others or tries to recruit the support of others to put down another. If they were secure within themselves they wouldn’t have a need to do it.

Victim: A person that suffers harm or death, is tricked or ripped off and selectively or unfairly punished or discriminated against.

bullying advice, dealing with bullying
Victim’s look for support while they are being bullied they need to feel safe and accepted.

The Victim: Feels overwhelmed and vulnerable at the mercy of life and all who are in it. This can justify not attempting something because they are at risk of being attacked.

Victim’s look for support while they are being bullied they need to feel safe and accepted.

If a victim is selected it is because they are perceived as the weakest. This originates from a lack of self esteem and self love. Both come from a position of disempowerment. Feeling they are not enough; not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough. Unworthy, unlovable.

The Enabler: Is the nurturer, helps mould the victim, protects rather than educates. This can come from feeling like a victim themselves and wished they had been protected more. When you over protect an outside source has to balance it.

Asking that others should protect you rather than you empower yourself is the epitome of a lack of self esteem and self love.

The Creator: Pesters and knocks people down, backing someone into a corner. This dismisses rather than educates because they feel worthless and are expressing how they feel about themselves. When you over neglect, an outside source has to balance it.

This is where the person being put down becomes a bully or a victim. If that person becomes overwhelmed they become a victim and are at the whim of the creator and in future anyone that bully’s them. Alternatively that person becomes aggressive and stands up for themselves, they then become the bully because that was the way they could protect themselves.

There are many other reasons for the creation of bully’s and victims and there are also different outcomes created from this and many other scenario’s. There are too many to mention for this piece of work.

Both come from a position of disempowerment.

Children notice actions, they don’t really focus on what you say. Remember actions speak louder than words.

Broaden your perspective.

Every way we act is a glimpse of how we see and feel about ourselves. How you feel about yourself, reflects how you feel about life and is a reflection of how you treat others.

An example of hesitating or procrastinating on taking action to achieve a goal is a reflection of not feeling that you are enough.

Why a victim will not overcome bullying with the current way it is being dealt with and why a bully won’t stop bullying with the current way it is being dealt with.

If the victim is constantly protected and not given a chance to learn about why they are a victim they will constantly be a victim. They are given little chance to learn and adapt and become resilient because they always know that someone is there to protect them; AND the time will come that no one is there to protect them, they will be ill equipped to handle a situation falling in a heap and at the mercy of their circumstance.

The bully won’t stop bullying because they still feel they need to defend themselves and forcibly justify their worth, feeling like someone else is against them. They will almost always fall back on the method that has worked so far and shown to them from a young age.

The methods used are feeding the reason they are doing it in the first place and as a society we are crippling them.

A bully is a victim somewhere else and a victim is a bully somewhere else.

Parents bully children, children bully parents; bullying is impossible to stop we have always done it and it will always be done. No one is innocent enough to claim that they have never bullied anyone.

We generally are unaware of this balance and have biased perspectives due to our own unhealed past events.

We need to acknowledge our own traits and actions in regards to bullying. As soon as we acknowledge how we have bullied or been a victim in the past our emotional charge will diminish and we will be able to view and act to a situation with a more calm and effective manner.

What are your memories of the past in regards to bullying? (Were you a victim or the bully?)

If we acknowledge and deal with our own issues in regards to bullying, we will better deal with this ever growing issue.

I remember when it was announced that there was going to be a war on bullying.

Are we going to be bullies to the bully? That made no sense to me at the time and still doesn’t.

The simple principle of any force that is exerted on an object has an equal and opposite force returned. This method is self perpetuating and only grows the more you feed it.

Fear is the basis of anger and sadness, self doubt unclear of path, unworthiness. Self love will help you overcome anything.

Self love is the key because……..Truly beautiful things don’t ask for attention.

Write a comment